During the
last few months I have felt like I was renting someone else’s body. I know this because if I was in my own body,
I would not have a butterfly mind. I
would be focused. I would be able to
sit in meditation for more than five minutes.
I would be able to concentrate on a project for more than five
minutes. I would paint because that is
my voice. And that voice has been silent.
It is more
than just not being inspired.
Inspiration surrounds me and I take note. But I had entered a downward vortex of self
doubt and struggle. I had lost the
ability to trust in the process.
In order to
trust the process wholly and completely we do not need to know what is
unfolding or why. We simply need to be
in the present moment to experience it.
It is not until you are totally exposed and vulnerable, that you are
forced to live and breathe that moment of struggle with a profound level of
trust and know that, without doubt, your struggle will end.
I am reminded of this quote by Ray Bradbury, "Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life
should be touched, not strangled. You've got to relax, let it happen at times,
and at others move forward with it."
hey, at least you are blogging...making words into thoughts. It is all about process and you are processing. I appreciate your words and seeing your blog here now is inspiration to me to get something solid on my blog. If you feel like a butterfly, why not dance?
ReplyDeleteThank you Maggie. Dancing sounds like a good plan.
ReplyDeleteI have also experienced times when my voice is silent. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say my creative, artistic voice has been silenced. Other voices have a heyday for a while, and none of them are worth listening to. Such a scenario requires my reawakening to the fact that these voices can be rejected, denounced, or even forgiven, but certainly not believed. I have to reinstate my belief in my own wholeness, my vision, my creative voice.
ReplyDeleteWriting this has helped me realize that those times that I considered a sign of weakness (oh no, I've capitulated again) actually lead to affirmations of who I have become, and they strengthen me to face the words of the world, which often seem to encourage fear, anger, and separation.
I am with you in the struggle ring! It's a default location for me, a habit. It's interesting when I look at "what's this all about?" I usually find doubt, lack of trust and expectation lining the cage. It's an interesting exploration and I think it holds lots of meaning, not just in our art life but in the bigger picture. To learn how to dance with this one, enriches our lives and changes them for sure. Happy excavating!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments Carol and Carole. Conversations with both of you are like an injection of pure delight. (oh and much laughter Carol Weibe). I am grateful to have both of you a part of my life.
ReplyDelete